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We all experience pain and grief and in these seasons, we can feel depths of emotion that are hard to resolve. How does unresolved grief affect your sales potential? Let’s learn about dealing with unresolved grief today with Herdyne Mercier.
Herdyne Mercier is the Chief Grief Crusader and host of Redefining Grief Podcast with Herdyne Mercier. Her job is to create safe spaces so that broken hearts can be seen, heard, and validated. The process helps you get unstuck from your unresolved grief and get you to a place of purposeful living.
Herdyne defines grief as experiencing any kind of loss. This isn’t limited to losing a loved one to death. Grief can also be felt when you move to a new place, experience job loss, go through divorce, or when filing for bankruptcy. Herdyne had the exact feeling when along with her husband, they filed for bankruptcy back in 2007/2008. The real estate market crashed and they couldn’t sell their home. Her husband, James Mercier, could not find a job with a Master’s Degree. Herdyne had to become the main provider for the family while James delivered newspapers and sushi. As a new mother, she grieved having only thirteen days to spend with her newborn son before she realized she had to go back to work. As James adjusted to being a stay-at-home father, he too grieved as a man because of the job he’d lost.
The grief almost cost them their marriage when Herdyne told her husband that she needed a divorce but James, in his wisdom, suggested they go to counseling together instead. The process of overcoming her own grief helped her create a brand that represents a woman who had forgotten to put on her MASK (an acronym we’ll explain) but is now healed. In her healing, she is now able to serve others.
Days of grieving
Many are grieving loss due to the pandemic. People have lost their jobs and some have lost the people they love from this illness. We have all lost something in this pandemic and are trying to figure out how to navigate this new normal. There’s a lot of frustration and pain in the process.
The first step is to not compare your grief story to someone else’s. We may feel that our loss is greater than others but in truth, we can’t actually quantify loss. Our culture does not teach us how to deal with loss. Instead, we focus on aiming for the top and shooting for number one. We want the biggest house and the nicest car, but we aren’t told what to do with our emotions. We’re not guided toward healing when loss occurs.
This is nobody’s fault – not your parents, not your grandparents, or any other people around you. Circumstances are what they are; however, Herdyne teaches to be still and know your purpose. How do you go about doing that?
The truth and connection anchor
Emotional anchors will set you free. The first, is truth. Be honest about your grief. The next anchor is connection. Look for that person in whom you can confide and be totally transparent.
One of the biggest myths a griever has to overcome is the belief they have to do it alone.
Overcoming your truth
They say time heals all wounds but Herdyne doesn’t believe this to be true. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. While time may pass on, you can remain emotionally stuck.
Some also believe that keeping yourself busy will help you forget your grief, that if you stay busy, the grief will eventually fade. The truth is, grief won’t just disappear. Left unchecked, it will manifest in other ways. These alternatives are just pacifying and soothing behaviors. Giving a hungry baby a pacifier only means you’ve helped to delay, but not address, the real problem of hunger. In the same vein, you need to heal and not just soothe by taking time for yourself, finding a community, possibly hiring a grief coach or a therapist, and finding a wisdom circle. Seeking wisdom in your situation is how you’ll see the beauty of restoration.
The restoration anchor is the phase where you’ve already managed your grief and taken care of the pain and the loss.
Everyone’s grief journey is different, so we can’t compare or police anyone’s journey. We all have our own time frame and can even experience grief flare-ups. Anchor into your truth, your sadness, and your heartache.
The importance of dealing with your truth
Oftentimes, people can be tempted to “go with the flow” in order to ignore the pain. For example, you may be hurt because your friend wasn’t there when you needed him/her. Instead of talking it out, you decide to get on with your life to get over it. You think you’re okay until your friend calls and you don’t answer your phone. Because you didn’t address the root cause of your pain, your feelings haven’t been resolved.
The first step toward healing is to seek wisdom. Herdyn has many free resources about how you can find wisdom. This resource has 61 different ways you experience grief and how you can deal with each one. Once you know how to deal with grief, you’ll be closer to setting yourself free.
When we were children, we were told to go to our rooms when we cried. As parents, it’s our job to let our children grieve. Instead of asking why they’re crying, ask them to share what their tears represent. Allow them to express themselves and let them tell their story.
Follow the MASK
At one point, Herdyne was wondering why she wasn’t selling the shirts from her brand. She was wearing the product, sharing it on social media, and once in a while, had it in her Etsy store. Still, the shirts weren’t selling. Herdyne sought wisdom by enrolling in the TSE course where she learned that she needed to do more than just wear her items, she needed to promote her brand, Wifefidence. She realized she needed to share that her brand means standing up and showing love, offering support, and living life with a purpose. It means standing up and having the life you deserve.
When you’re grieving, remember MASK.
M – maintain your peace
A – acknowledge your emotion
S – seek community
K – this too shall pass
When facing grief as a salesperson or as an individual, don’t just ignore it. Address your grief and overcome it.
“How To Unlock Your Sales Potential By Dealing With Unresolved Grief” episode resources
Catch Herdyne Mercier on May 7, 2020 7PM EST for her Master Class webinar where she’ll be talking about unlocking your purpose to heal your unresolved grief. Go to her website to check out the free webinar. If you are interested in more sales stories, you can talk to Donald directly. Reach him via these channels: LinkedIn, Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook about any sales concerns.
This episode is brought to you in part by Crmble, the easy-peasy CRM for Trello that helps you manage your contacts and leads without investing in complicated solutions, sync all your data, manage custom fields, and get powerful reporting on your sales. Try Crmble for free now at www.crmble.com/tse.
This episode is brought to you in part by TSE Certified Sales Training Program. It’s a course designed to help new and struggling sellers to master the fundamentals of sales and close more deals. It will help them elevate their sales game. Sign up now and get the first two modules for free! You can go and visit www.donaldk4.sg-host.com/closemoredeals also call us at (561) 570-5077.
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Audio provided by Free SFX and Bensound. Other songs used in the episodes are as follows: The Organ Grinder written by Bradley Jay Hill, performed by Bright Seed, and Produced by Brightseed and Hill.